kaientai | 「 jigokucho

[ Considering the way he smells, he's the cause of the bottle being half-empty. ]

I never told ya 'bout Majima...or Em. It ain't fair t' any'a ya.

[ Look! He's talking! The alcohol helps a lot with that, to be fair, but it's a start! ]

Ain't told them 'bout ya, neither...not really. 'Cept Emily...She knows ev'rythin'.

Majima?

[ for a moment he's curious why the mention until it clicks, at least in the name drop alongside emily's. ]

Oh.

[ he can't entirely avoid the sinking feeling that comes with this. it's easy to assume that the part about this that isn't fair is... well, everything that's happened between them that could be a problem if you add two other people to the equation you hadn't been counting on. it's even easier to assume that what izō feels compelled to come clean about is the fact that he has to end it. ]

I understand. I don't want to interfere. You all know each other from that other place, right? Hakagemachi?

[ he winces a little as he's saying it because he just blurts it right out. reassurances. it's fine! he's not a problem! please don't cut me off entirely. that's how it sounds to him anyway. maybe it won't sound so pathetic and desperate to izō? ]

Gimme some of that, would you?

[ izō can keep the bottle but he's getting at least a cupful to start or he'll never survive this. ]

[ He just hands Ryouma the bottle. ]

Look, it ain't like that or nothin'. They don't care if I'm fuckin' anyone or if we're more'n that. I jus'...yeah, we all survived that place collapsin'.

[ Izō sighs. ]

It was awful. All of it. We stuck together through ev'rythin'. They took care'a me an' I tried t' keep 'em safe. Kept each other sane...

[ Maybe he should drink more. ]

Majima made me live with him because I was losin' it. It was better for both of us. We, uh...We live together here, too.

[ izō is free to drink more since he just hands it back once he's poured himself enough (for now). ryouma is lucky he doesn't choke on it.

it helps though, taking just a few seconds to reorder his thoughts. it's a relief to know he's wrong but there's a whole other question of what exactly this is between them that he's not sure either of them is prepared to examine either.

he'll stick to what he does know then. ]

Then it sounds like I oughta be grateful to both of them for helping you out. I don't know why we end up where we end up and I'm sorry that place was so terrible, but I'm really glad good things came out of it for you, Izō. That makes me happier than anything, no matter what!

[ it's a genuine smile, like always. whatever his confusing personal feelings on the matter, they can't diminish that at all. ]

Majima called us "ghosts" when we were talking. I don't think I gave him a very good explanation either, but that wasn't exactly an easy meeting to begin with. Wasn't gonna go and give him a headache just trying to explain all the rest right then...

[ Ryouma just gets a disgusted face in response to his usual bright smile. Izō takes the bottle back to drink straight from it. ]

Yeah, I explained what I was real badly while we were both fuckin' drunk. Ain't no way he got anythin' outta what I told him.

[ Absolutely glossing past what else Ryouma said. ]

Ghosts ain't exactly right but it ain't real wrong...

[ Not the point!! ]

But...yeah. Majima's my boyfriend...we're real close. Still surprised he didn't at least punch ya for bein' an idiot.

It's true. The specifics don't matter all that much to anyone else anyway.

[ it's a surprise, izō actually using the word boyfriend. but then he'd outright called emily his girlfriend as well, so maybe it's a sign that ryouma is the one lagging behind. this is the sort of thing he'd told izō he wanted to know about anyway, right? ]

Honestly, I'm surprised he didn't either. I think he just cut me a break because it was a pretty pathetic showing all around. And I think he at least knows how far I'm willing to go for this.

[ far from his best work, he mostly floundered through it to the end and survived by the skin of his teeth. he has a lot to be grateful for. ]

... And how much I'd do to protect you.

[ it would be a lie to say that doesn't factor into all of his decisions. they are having a conversation, he supposes. ]

[ He doesn't want to be having this conversation anymore. He would like a hole to open up beneath him and swallow him up so he doesn't have to deal with any of this. There's no backing out now.

Izō makes a face and pulls up his scarf. It was a good idea wear his more familiar clothing solely for the scarf to hide behind. ]

...Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm gonna tell him 'bout ya, more'n that yer jus' someone I know. I jus'...ain't done it yet.

[ It sounds stupid when he says it aloud. This whole thing is stupid. ]

Whatever we got 's fine...Whatever it is.

Is that what you'll tell him if he asks what this is?

[ it's a question he shouldn't ask but one he's already asked by the time he has that thought. because now that izō's mentioned it, ryouma can't just let it sit there. he takes another drink and bites his tongue. the temptation to reverse course and take it back is strong. ]

Sorry. Can't screw it up if I know exactly where I stand, right?

[ Majima has his own shit going on. Between the three of them, there's an impressively tangled and interwoven web of romantic and sexual entanglement. Izō doesn't say as much, though; he's already opened himself up enough, Ryouma doesn't need to know more.

Ryouma especially doesn't need to know about what he's got going on with Nishitani. ]

He ain't gonna ask. He don't ask 'bout anythin' I got goin' on 'cause it ain't his business. He'll listen if I wanna tell him...an' I wanna tell him. [ A deep breath. He shouldn't say anything else, he should just walk his drunk ass home. ] 'Cause yer important to me.

[ ryouma really couldn't ask for better than that. even if that's all it ever is, he'd be happy. it's more than he feels he deserves. ]

You're important to me too, Izō. [ another drink and then, more quietly: ] I'd feel the same even if Oryou was here too.

[ he doesn't know if he's been clear enough that izō isn't just a replacement so far. based on how drunk he got the last time he's thinking not. ]

Maybe after you're finished you can talk him into having that friendly drink with me.

[ Izō sinks deeper into his seat, blushing so furiously that he might catch fire. It's nice to hear, it's hard to believe, but he wants to believe. He just can't speak on it right now.

There is something that cuts through being flustered and that's what Ryouma says last. Izō barks a laugh and claps him on the shoulder. ]

Yer a really funny guy, ya know that? [ He leans in close before yelling. ] Fuck no! That's yer problem and yer mess t' clean up! If ya wanna drink with him, ya gotta ask him yerself!

Aww, but I did ask! That's just it.. dunno what I'm doing wrong exactly. You know I'm always good for it and I said it was just a friendly thing anyway...

[ considering how many people with fussy attitudes he usually deals with who find free food and drinks acceptable, he's at a loss. ]

He's a lot smarter'n me so it'll take more than jus' some booze to win him over, ya know. Gotta prove yer worth his time.

[ Izō shrugs. ]

Don't make an ass outta yerself again an' maybe he'll have a drink with ya instead'a callin' ya an idiot.

See? This is why I asked for your help. I've been dealing with people in all the factions and I've come to figure out that the Shuten Clan is playing a slightly different game than everyone else. I just haven't learned all the rules yet.

[ but since he's making it his business to know these things, he's going to have to learn. ]

Doesn't help much that I hate rules. And hierarchy. And rituals. It reminds me of trying to do business and having to jump through a hundred extra hoops because you're having to take everyone's social standing into account instead of just doing what needs to be done...

[ this is a very old complaint he's been bitter about for a long time. it just made his life harder!! ]

I get it. I respect it for what it is and I'll do what I've gotta do, but I don't have to like it.

[ Izō lets Ryouma complain before shoving the whiskey bottle. ]

Shut up an' drink more so I don't gotta hear yer bitchin'. Ya jus' gotta deal with it.

[ Perhaps Izō should throw him a bone here... ]

An' if ya disrespect it all like that, Majima ain't gonna like ya none.

I know, I know. I would never say anything like that. Even if you don't agree, insulting the way somebody lives only breeds resentment. It's better to look at the stuff we have in common.

[ for once he's not just compartmentalising his feelings, having always been good at keeping contradictory thoughts in mind at once. ]

It's the part I gotta do I'm complainin' about. It's a lot to keep track of on top of all the pressure.

If ya do anythin' else t' piss him off, I ain't gonna fix it.

[ He's mostly joking. ]

An' yeah, I get that...Ya bring it all on yerself with what ya do, don't ya?

Don't worry. I wouldn't really stick ya with cleanin' up my messes. Last thing I wanna do is cause trouble for ya.

[ which has always been true. ryouma finished off his cup of whiskey and just reaches for the bottle now. it's not like he's going to pretend to have manners if izō isn't. ]

It's better to bring it all on me. It's my responsibility.

[ Izō takes one more drink before handing it over. ]

Well, so long as ya know what yer doin'...an' I don't think ya do. Yer jus' real lucky.

[ Without warning, he pulls Ryouma into a kiss. ]

Dumbass.

[ as he usually is when izō makes the first move, ryouma is caught all off guard and — congratulations — at a loss for what to say right away.

you know what's good for that? taking another drink. ]

Aw, I know what I'm doin'! I used to run a company once, you know?

[ he realises as he says it that he still isn't entirely sure what izō does and doesn't know about him anymore. there's a way to fix that but it isn't easy to talk about all that either. ]

[ At least it shut him up for a moment. ]

Nah, I didn't know that. I died before ya did, ya know? Don't know shit after that.

I know... [ his voice gets quieter. ] I remember.

[ he'll never forget it. he prefers not to think about that time coming up again and the fact that they're both in the same place for the first time. he doubts that'll make it any easier. ]

Sorry, I never know how much to say sometimes. Not like anyone can plan for any of this.

[ which is to say you never think about how to address talking about your death after you've died because this isn't a thing anyone expects to need to do. ]

But yeah... I ended up startin' a company outta Nagasaki. Figured I'd get around to doin' the same around here eventually.

[ The life of a Servant is a cruel one. Summoned long after their deaths with all of the regrets and trauma they died with. Being expected to just casually consider their own deaths.

Izō snorts. ]

I'm surprised ya got yer shit together enough t' do that...Guess ya got real busy with yer big idea an' all.

Well, it ain't luck as much as hard work. I had people who knew a lot better'n me t' show me what's what, so I can't claim to have done it all on my own either. That's why I asked for Majima's help, 'cause I know I dunno what I'm doing.

[ he smiles now and gives izō a pointed look because see!! he can also do successful things!! ]

Know what the most important part of it was? Every single one of 'em who worked with me were ronin, no different from you or me.

Ya always were good at draggin' people into what ya believed in...Don't think anyone that weren't a ronin was gonna go along with ya.

[ He shrugs. ]

Shit's diff'rent when ya got nothin' t' lose.

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