[ ryouma listens — partly because he doesn't have a choice — and she can tell when he has to bite back the urge to respond. in the end, however, he doesn't launch right back into a response but takes a moment or two longer to gather his thoughts. he sighs and shakes his head a little, trying to keep his tone steady and any misplaced aggravation from creeping in. that isn't meant for her. ]
I'm sorry, do I give the impression of having had an easy life? I realise that you don't know anything about me except what you might've heard so... as much as I don't like to talk about myself because I don't think it's important, I'll fill you in on a few things so you understand where I'm coming from. I hate saying, "do you know who I am" but I think it would save everyone a lot of time. I'm not just some idiot who talks a big talk. I've succeeded with far less at my disposal than I have now.
[ another breath, in and out, and when he exhales, his shoulders slump. tiring, but necessary. ]
I grew up in the same place as Izō. Where we came from, people treated us like animals. We lost friends of ours because they got cut down on the street, and no one lifted a finger because it wasn't a crime, which is just an example. Point is, I have a pretty good idea of what value people place on rank, obedience, and honour. This world is harsh but not nearly as harsh as the one Izō and I grew up in, so what I won't do is sit around and let Majima punish me for doing things differently than how he thinks they ought to be done. I didn't do it back then, and I'm not gonna do it now.
[ ryouma would laugh, but he settles for a small, diplomatic smile instead. ]
I can imagine that feeling you described because people tell me constantly that my dreams and ideals are stupid, foolish, and a waste of time. They tell me I'll end up dead again, so I should shut up and quit while I'm ahead and on and on. It doesn't make me angry because it doesn't matter. Even if I argue about it, I can't change another person's way of life, so I choose to find a way to work with them instead. Like I told Izō, the most powerful men in the country couldn't stop me when I was human. What makes him think it'll happen now? I never meant to insult him, and that much is true. I would tell him as much because I am sorry if I said something that sounded out of line. I don't deny that that can happen.
Otherwise, you're saying that the world has been cruel and Majima can't imagine things another way, so he wants to sabotage me and my work to... prove a point? Teach me a lesson? Incidentally, all I have going for me is my work, so I will defend it to my last breath because it's bigger than all of us. They can't hurt me in a way that matters because there is nothing they can take from me, so I'm not backing down. I refuse to play "who had it worse" because my answer to that is to get up and do something to change it. I'm not being stubborn, he's a grown man behaving like a child. I'm sorry that life has been that way for him, but if anything, that just makes me want to try harder to change things around here.
[ he'll be digging his heels in even more now that he's extra motivated, so this bit of insight into things has only hardened his resolve. it seems like this speech of his is winding down, at least. ]
That still doesn't change the rest of what I said. I'm not disputing my debt and intend to continue paying it voluntarily. Majima is welcome to tell the Shuten Clan how they ought to behave, but this is the Alliance, and I do things my way because the Daitengu gives me their blessing to do so. He doesn't have to like me or how I do business, but he'll show me the respect I'm due.
[to Emily's credit, she's a good listener. she listens, even as her expression twitches at certain points, as she longs to interject - but that's not what she's here for. it's a good amount of insight into the man she's dutybound to follow at the moment, and it's information she'll tuck away, keep close to the chest for now.
she could lay out every card on the table. tell him that Majima likely was trying to help him catch up and quickly, talk about the way he was teaching her how to navigate situations - being harsher than perhaps would really be given, if only to make sure she was prepared for the worst. but, she realizes...it simply doesn't matter. Ryouma could claim he wasn't being stubborn all he wanted, but he is. nothing she says will alter his mind, and as it stands, it's not like he's the only lieutenant the Daitengu has to offer.
somehow, she thinks, she's wandered into the center of men being utterly difficult at each other, in a way that feels vaguely like wrangling dogs that cannot stop snarling at each other.]
Then my advice going forward is to ask Mr. Matoba to handle the bulk of Shuten communication. If you must do it yourself, don't do it alone.
[they're never going to reconcile - and frankly, even as his second, it's not her job to mend the fences. her job is to back him up, and clearly, that extends to keeping him alive.]
[ ryouma is observant, and there are few instances when he's speaking that he notices those twitches and finds it difficult not to react himself. an admirable effort since she'd held a hand up to keep him quiet in his case. he'd needed it. ryouma had indeed asked for help once. it's also easy to let things like that slip away, forgotten when it doesn't feel like he's being done any favours by the education. his pride can be his weakness sometimes, so it's a good thing emily gives good advice. ]
That sure is an option now, huh? Be lyin' to say I'm not glad for it. I would've liked for it to be different, but given the way it is, I'd rather work closely with Tamamo. I always like workin' with Musashi and Tenkohime thinks I'm funny!
[ and just like that, he's quick to want to brush all of that aside and return to a lighter atmosphere. ]
We've got some good resources this time around, too. I like knowing things before I step in 'em, so people who used to do this sorta thing for a living are valuable...
[ for better or worse, the more ryouma talks, the more his accent bleeds through at times. this hasn't been an easy discussion so far, but he's relaxed enough. he knows they're allies, so he feels like he can afford to drop his guard a little more. ]
I don't wanna make them feel like we're desperate, but it'll be good to have people on hand who actually know the other side of this business. I only know what I know, so until I learn I ask.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cries i'm so sorry this is so long
I'm sorry, do I give the impression of having had an easy life? I realise that you don't know anything about me except what you might've heard so... as much as I don't like to talk about myself because I don't think it's important, I'll fill you in on a few things so you understand where I'm coming from. I hate saying, "do you know who I am" but I think it would save everyone a lot of time. I'm not just some idiot who talks a big talk. I've succeeded with far less at my disposal than I have now.
[ another breath, in and out, and when he exhales, his shoulders slump. tiring, but necessary. ]
I grew up in the same place as Izō. Where we came from, people treated us like animals. We lost friends of ours because they got cut down on the street, and no one lifted a finger because it wasn't a crime, which is just an example. Point is, I have a pretty good idea of what value people place on rank, obedience, and honour. This world is harsh but not nearly as harsh as the one Izō and I grew up in, so what I won't do is sit around and let Majima punish me for doing things differently than how he thinks they ought to be done. I didn't do it back then, and I'm not gonna do it now.
[ ryouma would laugh, but he settles for a small, diplomatic smile instead. ]
I can imagine that feeling you described because people tell me constantly that my dreams and ideals are stupid, foolish, and a waste of time. They tell me I'll end up dead again, so I should shut up and quit while I'm ahead and on and on. It doesn't make me angry because it doesn't matter. Even if I argue about it, I can't change another person's way of life, so I choose to find a way to work with them instead. Like I told Izō, the most powerful men in the country couldn't stop me when I was human. What makes him think it'll happen now? I never meant to insult him, and that much is true. I would tell him as much because I am sorry if I said something that sounded out of line. I don't deny that that can happen.
Otherwise, you're saying that the world has been cruel and Majima can't imagine things another way, so he wants to sabotage me and my work to... prove a point? Teach me a lesson? Incidentally, all I have going for me is my work, so I will defend it to my last breath because it's bigger than all of us. They can't hurt me in a way that matters because there is nothing they can take from me, so I'm not backing down. I refuse to play "who had it worse" because my answer to that is to get up and do something to change it. I'm not being stubborn, he's a grown man behaving like a child. I'm sorry that life has been that way for him, but if anything, that just makes me want to try harder to change things around here.
[ he'll be digging his heels in even more now that he's extra motivated, so this bit of insight into things has only hardened his resolve. it seems like this speech of his is winding down, at least. ]
That still doesn't change the rest of what I said. I'm not disputing my debt and intend to continue paying it voluntarily. Majima is welcome to tell the Shuten Clan how they ought to behave, but this is the Alliance, and I do things my way because the Daitengu gives me their blessing to do so. He doesn't have to like me or how I do business, but he'll show me the respect I'm due.
no subject
she could lay out every card on the table. tell him that Majima likely was trying to help him catch up and quickly, talk about the way he was teaching her how to navigate situations - being harsher than perhaps would really be given, if only to make sure she was prepared for the worst. but, she realizes...it simply doesn't matter. Ryouma could claim he wasn't being stubborn all he wanted, but he is. nothing she says will alter his mind, and as it stands, it's not like he's the only lieutenant the Daitengu has to offer.
somehow, she thinks, she's wandered into the center of men being utterly difficult at each other, in a way that feels vaguely like wrangling dogs that cannot stop snarling at each other.]
Then my advice going forward is to ask Mr. Matoba to handle the bulk of Shuten communication. If you must do it yourself, don't do it alone.
[they're never going to reconcile - and frankly, even as his second, it's not her job to mend the fences. her job is to back him up, and clearly, that extends to keeping him alive.]
no subject
he'd needed it.ryouma had indeed asked for help once. it's also easy to let things like that slip away, forgotten when it doesn't feel like he's being done any favours by the education. his pride can be his weakness sometimes, so it's a good thing emily gives good advice. ]That sure is an option now, huh? Be lyin' to say I'm not glad for it. I would've liked for it to be different, but given the way it is, I'd rather work closely with Tamamo. I always like workin' with Musashi and Tenkohime thinks I'm funny!
[ and just like that, he's quick to want to brush all of that aside and return to a lighter atmosphere. ]
We've got some good resources this time around, too. I like knowing things before I step in 'em, so people who used to do this sorta thing for a living are valuable...
[ for better or worse, the more ryouma talks, the more his accent bleeds through at times. this hasn't been an easy discussion so far, but he's relaxed enough. he knows they're allies, so he feels like he can afford to drop his guard a little more. ]
I don't wanna make them feel like we're desperate, but it'll be good to have people on hand who actually know the other side of this business. I only know what I know, so until I learn I ask.