[ ryouma listens — partly because he doesn't have a choice — and she can tell when he has to bite back the urge to respond. in the end, however, he doesn't launch right back into a response but takes a moment or two longer to gather his thoughts. he sighs and shakes his head a little, trying to keep his tone steady and any misplaced aggravation from creeping in. that isn't meant for her. ]
I'm sorry, do I give the impression of having had an easy life? I realise that you don't know anything about me except what you might've heard so... as much as I don't like to talk about myself because I don't think it's important, I'll fill you in on a few things so you understand where I'm coming from. I hate saying, "do you know who I am" but I think it would save everyone a lot of time. I'm not just some idiot who talks a big talk. I've succeeded with far less at my disposal than I have now.
[ another breath, in and out, and when he exhales, his shoulders slump. tiring, but necessary. ]
I grew up in the same place as Izō. Where we came from, people treated us like animals. We lost friends of ours because they got cut down on the street, and no one lifted a finger because it wasn't a crime, which is just an example. Point is, I have a pretty good idea of what value people place on rank, obedience, and honour. This world is harsh but not nearly as harsh as the one Izō and I grew up in, so what I won't do is sit around and let Majima punish me for doing things differently than how he thinks they ought to be done. I didn't do it back then, and I'm not gonna do it now.
[ ryouma would laugh, but he settles for a small, diplomatic smile instead. ]
I can imagine that feeling you described because people tell me constantly that my dreams and ideals are stupid, foolish, and a waste of time. They tell me I'll end up dead again, so I should shut up and quit while I'm ahead and on and on. It doesn't make me angry because it doesn't matter. Even if I argue about it, I can't change another person's way of life, so I choose to find a way to work with them instead. Like I told Izō, the most powerful men in the country couldn't stop me when I was human. What makes him think it'll happen now? I never meant to insult him, and that much is true. I would tell him as much because I am sorry if I said something that sounded out of line. I don't deny that that can happen.
Otherwise, you're saying that the world has been cruel and Majima can't imagine things another way, so he wants to sabotage me and my work to... prove a point? Teach me a lesson? Incidentally, all I have going for me is my work, so I will defend it to my last breath because it's bigger than all of us. They can't hurt me in a way that matters because there is nothing they can take from me, so I'm not backing down. I refuse to play "who had it worse" because my answer to that is to get up and do something to change it. I'm not being stubborn, he's a grown man behaving like a child. I'm sorry that life has been that way for him, but if anything, that just makes me want to try harder to change things around here.
[ he'll be digging his heels in even more now that he's extra motivated, so this bit of insight into things has only hardened his resolve. it seems like this speech of his is winding down, at least. ]
That still doesn't change the rest of what I said. I'm not disputing my debt and intend to continue paying it voluntarily. Majima is welcome to tell the Shuten Clan how they ought to behave, but this is the Alliance, and I do things my way because the Daitengu gives me their blessing to do so. He doesn't have to like me or how I do business, but he'll show me the respect I'm due.
cries i'm so sorry this is so long
I'm sorry, do I give the impression of having had an easy life? I realise that you don't know anything about me except what you might've heard so... as much as I don't like to talk about myself because I don't think it's important, I'll fill you in on a few things so you understand where I'm coming from. I hate saying, "do you know who I am" but I think it would save everyone a lot of time. I'm not just some idiot who talks a big talk. I've succeeded with far less at my disposal than I have now.
[ another breath, in and out, and when he exhales, his shoulders slump. tiring, but necessary. ]
I grew up in the same place as Izō. Where we came from, people treated us like animals. We lost friends of ours because they got cut down on the street, and no one lifted a finger because it wasn't a crime, which is just an example. Point is, I have a pretty good idea of what value people place on rank, obedience, and honour. This world is harsh but not nearly as harsh as the one Izō and I grew up in, so what I won't do is sit around and let Majima punish me for doing things differently than how he thinks they ought to be done. I didn't do it back then, and I'm not gonna do it now.
[ ryouma would laugh, but he settles for a small, diplomatic smile instead. ]
I can imagine that feeling you described because people tell me constantly that my dreams and ideals are stupid, foolish, and a waste of time. They tell me I'll end up dead again, so I should shut up and quit while I'm ahead and on and on. It doesn't make me angry because it doesn't matter. Even if I argue about it, I can't change another person's way of life, so I choose to find a way to work with them instead. Like I told Izō, the most powerful men in the country couldn't stop me when I was human. What makes him think it'll happen now? I never meant to insult him, and that much is true. I would tell him as much because I am sorry if I said something that sounded out of line. I don't deny that that can happen.
Otherwise, you're saying that the world has been cruel and Majima can't imagine things another way, so he wants to sabotage me and my work to... prove a point? Teach me a lesson? Incidentally, all I have going for me is my work, so I will defend it to my last breath because it's bigger than all of us. They can't hurt me in a way that matters because there is nothing they can take from me, so I'm not backing down. I refuse to play "who had it worse" because my answer to that is to get up and do something to change it. I'm not being stubborn, he's a grown man behaving like a child. I'm sorry that life has been that way for him, but if anything, that just makes me want to try harder to change things around here.
[ he'll be digging his heels in even more now that he's extra motivated, so this bit of insight into things has only hardened his resolve. it seems like this speech of his is winding down, at least. ]
That still doesn't change the rest of what I said. I'm not disputing my debt and intend to continue paying it voluntarily. Majima is welcome to tell the Shuten Clan how they ought to behave, but this is the Alliance, and I do things my way because the Daitengu gives me their blessing to do so. He doesn't have to like me or how I do business, but he'll show me the respect I'm due.