[ this is just his life now. better get used to those pangs of guilt because they aren't going to be going anywhere. ]

I'm so sorry, Izō...

[ he's so tired of apologising. one day he would very much like to not be a disappointment in izō's eyes. he does ease up though when he's told to right away, not wanting to make it worse. ]

You know I didn't mean it right? That I wouldn't ever do that—...

[ and now ryouma has to pull back because he needs to look izō in the eye because izō has to see it. ryouma looks better, at least, although that's relative. the curse is gone so his colour's better but he's still tired and overworked so there's that. he's also been drinking but has sobered up speedily over all this right now. his eyes are, of course, exactly as they should be. ]

I tried t' find ya. I knew it'd probably never happen if ya didn't wanna be found, but I tried anyway. That or—... [ he wishes he could say he was optimistic enough to have not imagined the worst-case scenario. ] I really thought ya were dead...

[ again. no, it's not easier the second time. it's worse because he thought he'd contributed to it directly. ]